August 2010
22 posts
“Bristol Palin will be on “Dancing with the Stars” while Levi...”
– Ana Breton (via Twitter)
Time Management Heals All Wounds
I feel like I’ve been wasting a lot of time recently. Like, a LOT of time. I turned 29 several months ago, which was deliciously and horribly depressing. At the time, I looked at the calendar and thought to myself “There are only 365 more days remaining in my twenties.” Yes, it required a calendar for me to think this. Realizing back in April that I had only 365 days remaining in...
I Do Not Have a Problem
Wine Store Clerk: Why are you only getting one bottle? We both know you'll be back tomorrow.
Me: Probably.
“Every time a bell rings, an angel has just had really good service at...”
– Thought for the Day
clientsfromhell:
“Please color this page for us so we can see your creativity. This will help us decide whether or not to hire you.” Attached is a child’s coloring page, a picture of a cat playing electric guitar.
Holy crap. I peed my pants twice when I read this.
Twice.
“After Mexico’s Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriages performed in Mexico...”
– Catholic Values: Same-Sex Love Worse than Brutal Murders (via garlandgrey) (via librariansoul)
Really Fancy Keyboard for Sale
I posted the following ad to Craigslist yesterday:
“I have an LDS-50 Keyboard for sale.
I don’t know how old it is, but I’m going to guess it’s from the year 1985 or 1963 or 1731 or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not very good with numbers. All I know is that when this keyboard was made, women still didn’t have the right to vote.
The...
To Publish or Not to Publish?
I have a question for all those Tumblr-ers out there. Non-tumblr-ers are also welcome to answer this question. I don’t want anyone to presume that I discriminate against non-tumblr-ers, because I believe all people hold the same value in the eyes of the Lord.
Unless they’re Jewish, gay, Mexican, or poor.
About two years ago, I sent query letters to a bucket-full of agents and...
"There’s Nothing Neutral About the Death of the... →
This is the column where I take a shot at MySpace. How timely and modern of me.
"Is Freedom of Religion Still Free?" →
Some column I wrote about the mosque near Ground Zero controversy, bla bla bla.
Shanghai Surprise
Library patron: Can you tell me who the author of Shanghai Girls is?
Me: Let me google that real quick.
Google: Here is a bunch of porn.
"Should Conservatives Focus Less on Gay Marriage... →
This is my ‘sequel’ to the column I wrote a few days ago about gay marriage. For some reason, my editor wouldn’t let me call it “Gay Marriage 2: Attack of the Clones.” Jerk.
Don’t worry, this column is just as boring as the first one.
Reactions to Gay Marriage
Ryan: The gays can get married again in California.
My sister: Now you can move back here!
Ryan: The gays can get married again in California.
My roommate: Goodbye America.
"Civil Rights May Not be Popular...But They're... →
This is a column I wrote about the Proposition 8 ruling. It’s probably one of the better columns I’ve written all year.
Bear Costume
Ana: I'm looking for a bear costume.
Ryan: Why are you looking for a bear costume?
Ana: I'm going to Bear Lake this weekend, duh.
234 Years of History, the 14th Amendment, and One... →
I almost forgot to post this! This is my take on the whole 14th Amendment issue and illegal immigration.
Just kidding! This is a column about Speidi’s divorce.
"Cutting the Strings to Golden Parachutes" →
Here’s an old column from last week that I’m just now getting around to posting. Get off my back, I was busy! That cup of tea wasn’t going to drink itself. And that quilt wasn’t going to quilt itself. I’m old.
