I look forward to the day, in about 50 years or so, when Justin Bieber apologizes for all of this.
"Balloon Muppets" →
This is the best thing I’ve discovered all week.
I just saw a homeless man walk by, holding a 3-foot tall stuffed lion. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what it’s like to work in a public library.
I, (your name), do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of...– The Official Podcast Oath, from Episode 1 (via audiovaudeville)
Has anyone seen my copy of the movie ‘Amelia?’ You know, the movie about Amelia Earhart? I can’t seem to find it anywhere.
Famous Person: But enough about my successful tv and film career. What do YOU do for work?
Me: Um... I work in a library.
You’re the hipster calling the kettle ironic.– Jeremiah, my roommate, to me
Ryan: I think the cable is out.
Jeremiah: oh really that's weird.
Ryan: I know.
Jeremiah: Wait I think I know a trick. *asks Ryan if he can borrow his computer and uses it to pay cable bill*
Ryan: It's working now.
This day was so long, that it played a cameo at the end of the movie “Boogie Nights.”
I finally finished reading the Harry Potter series for the first time last night. I have to admit, I was quite surprised to learn that O.J. Simpson was the real killer after all.
In honor of President Hu Jintao visiting President Obama, I plan on visiting a Chinese restaurant tonight, and leaving the PIN number to my debit card as a tip.
I just argued with a library patron, only to later realize that he had just turned in several books about guns. On an unrelated note, I’ve decided to update my will, so let me know if any if you guys want anything.
The next time somebody says “people aren’t born gay!”, show them the video of this child. This boy’s mother is, undoubtedly, sitting at home and quietly weeping to herself as she watches her son on tv.
"SLC mayor, council plan measure backing library... →
More depressing library news.
"‘Chilling’ reshuffle may boomerang on library... →
Another Salt Lake Tribune article about the City Library.
I’m thinking of getting a job as a door-to-door Wikipedia salesman.– Thought of the Day
[I'm walking home from work, when I see two Mormon missionaries standing next to a card table with hot chocolate.]
MISSIONARIES: Good evening. Would you like some hot chocolate?
ME: Sure, I'm not going to say no to that.
MISSIONARIES: So do you live near here?
ME: Just a few blocks. Not too far, really.
MISSIONARIES: Do you by chance go to any kind of church?
ME: Actually, I used to be LDS myself.
MISSIONARIES: Oh really! Why did you stop going?
ME: Because I'm one of the gays.
MISSIONARIES: Would you ever consider coming back to the LDS Church?
ME: Well, a lot of pretty dramatic things would have to change before I ever considered coming back. But thank you for the invitation.
MISSIONARIES: Hmmm... is there anything we can help you with?
ME: Nope, I'm all set. I have my hot chocolate.
MISSIONARIES: Well, have a good night!
ME: Thanks, you too.
[I continue walking home, enjoying the best cup of hot chocolate I've ever had in my life]
I bet it’s awkward teaching children about the birds and the bees. Even I...– Thought of the Day
"The 5 Most Ridiculous Things About Snooki's... →
That’s it. I give up. I’m completely giving up on writing. I’m becoming a farmer.
Somebody’s cell phone just went off at the library, loudly playing “I’m In Love With a Stripper.” I looked up to see who had such an obnoxious ringtone. Then a 70-year old woman answered her phone.
I read today that Facebook is now worth $50 billion. Then I sighed, and...– Thought of the Day