Happy 75th birthday, Jim Henson. You left this...
You’re my 4th cousin once removed. I’m the same generation as your...– a text I just received from my boyfriend
A woman called into the library a little bit ago and called me an asshole over the phone! How rude! In her defense, I am.
Me: I'll have a grande salted caramel mocha.
Starbucks employee: Do you want it with coffee?
Ryan: ...as opposed to what?
Starbucks employee: Well the salted caramel mocha comes with coffee or hot chocolate.
Ryan: Oh. Well... I'll have the adult one.
Dreams Don't Come True
12-year-old girl: I want to be a librarian when I grow up.
Ryan: No you don't.
12-year-old girl: You know, you're not the first librarian to tell me that.
Only 10 more days until my birthday!– Rudy Giuliani